"Admiral, there's someone here to see you. She doesn't have an appointment and doesn't have time to wait for one."

Ensign Cole had now been on the job long enough to signal his opinion of a visitor with the tone of his voice. It sounded to the admiral as if it were someone he wanted to see taken down a peg or two.

"Who is it?"

"She claims that she served with you on Voyager, but her name is not on my list."

"What is her name?"

"She says her name is Annika Hansen, but -"

The admiral cut him off. "Show her in."

She could almost see him swallow his disappointment. "Yes, Ma'am, " he replied begrudgingly, but he got in the last word. "Admiral Taper will be here in less than five minutes."

"I'm aware of that, Ensign. We won't be long."

Kathryn pushed away the console and stood to move to the door. It opened on Seven, dismissing the Ensign with a curt nod.

"Seven! It's good to see you, " she beamed. She stepped toward the younger woman, wrapping her in a hug. Seven returned the embrace tentatively, and ended it awkwardly by stepping away quickly, embarrassed. She now stood at attention, hands behind her back. Kathryn could see that the posture was from habit, keeping her on her feet.

She also thought Seven's voice would break when she finally spoke, but it didn't. "I did not plan this journey in advance. I apologize for intruding, but it is important that I speak with you." She looked down nervously and her voice softened a little. "While on Voyager, I visited you whenever I wished. I am unsure of the protocol when we are not on a starship."

Kathryn tried not to stare, but something was very wrong. Seven's facial implants were gone. Her eye kept going to that spot over the left eyebrow where there should be metal. Of course, she had seen her without implants when they were in Unimatrix 0, but this was different. And although most observers mistook her expression as emotionless, Kathryn knew better. It took a little patience to learn the subtleties, but they were there. Seven was also upset. Very upset.

Kathryn chose her words carefully. "As it happens, you've arrived in the middle of a crisis. I don't have time to talk now, but you are welcome to go to my apartment and wait for me. I should be home by 1800 hours." She watched the smooth face before her, looking for clues. She hoped it wasn't about Chakotay, but her gut told her otherwise.

She watched Seven consider it carefully. Finally, she answered, "That will be acceptable."

"Good." Kathryn retrieved a padd from her cluttered desk and entered some information. "Here is my address and the keycode to get in." She raised her hand as Seven started to say something. "Yes, I know, you don't need the code. It's not a Borg encryption code, so you could break it easily. Just humor me and use it. I don't want to answer security questions this evening."

She finished saving the information and held out the padd. Seven looked at her carefully as she took it. "Very well."

She stood for a moment longer, as if waiting for something else.

The intercom chirped. "Admiral Taper is here, Ma'am." The ensign's voice almost sounded triumphant.

"Thank you, Ensign. Give me just a minute." She looked over Seven's face again as she touched the younger woman's arm, feeling the tension. She said gently, "Do you need me to put them off? Is it something that can't wait?"

Seven's expression brightened a little and she stood a little straighter. "That will not be necessary. I will speak with you this evening."

"All right." Seven turned to go. "And Seven . . ." She waited for her to turn back. "It's good to see you."

Seven completely surprised her by walking back over and attempting to smother her in a hug. "It is good to see you as well, Captain," she heard as Seven finally released her with a sniff.

Kathryn did not correct the mistake as she watched the younger woman walk out the door, past the waiting Admiral and Ensign. Her heart sank as she realized that her instinct had been right. It was about Chakotay.

She sighed and plastered on a professional smile as she waved in her appointment. It was going to be a long afternoon.

******

Kathryn stepped out of the transporter station into the wild yellows and oranges of fall. It was her favorite season and the setting sun made it worth a leisurely evening walk, but not tonight. It was only a few blocks to her apartment, but it seemed like miles. She just barely resisted the urge to run. She could have invoked an admiral's privilege and had the transport station beam her to her apartment, but she had never taken advantage of her rank for personal convenience and wasn't starting now.

She rounded the last corner and waved hello to her neighbor across the street, out walking his dog. He yelled something about a woman in her apartment, and she nodded and waved again.

Her front door opened onto the street, and as she pushed it open, a flood of air washed over her, the warm smell of something wonderful cooking. She stepped in and called out for Seven.

"I am in the kitchen."

Kathryn came around the corner of the dining area to see her kitchen in a state she had never seen it. There were several plates of steaming vegetables and she could smell fresh rolls in the oven. She saw the dining room table set with utensils and china she had unpacked from their boxes two years ago and not taken out since.

"Seven, you didn't have to cook." Honestly, she tried to sound as if she really meant it.

"Doing nothing while waiting for you to finish work is not an efficient use of my time." Seven's voice had a edge to it, as if this were a sensitive subject. "In my role within the agricultural community, I learned to cook with far more primitive utensils. I am enjoying the opportunity to use more modern equiment."

Kathryn reached over and touched the younger woman's hand, stilling it from the chocolate she was shaving. "Then I'm glad you cooked." She smiled as Seven relaxed a little and smiled.

"So, what's the chocolate for?"

"Dessert. Chocolate-coffee cheesecake. I assumed you would like it."

"And that's a good assumption." Kathryn peeked into the oven at the rolls. "Anything I can do?"

Seven tried not to sigh, but failed. "Please go to the other side of the divider. I will pour you some wine."

Kathryn positively grinned. "Get out of your way?"

That brought a real smile to Seven's face. It was then that Kathryn realized that the implants were back. But she chose not to mention it as she moved to the dining area side of the counter. Seven would tell her in her own way, in her own time. She twirled her glass of wine as she leaned on the counter and pondered about a good neutral subject.

"I do not wish to renew the marriage contract. It will expire in 35 days."

Seven was nothing if not direct, by god. Kathryn thought it was a good thing she had not been sipping her wine at that point. She also thanked her diplomatic training for being able to control her expression. She tempered her voice. "I see. Have you told Chakotay?"

Seven's face shifted slightly, and her hands paused for a moment before continuing. "No." She sighed and bowed her head a little. "I do not know how to tell him."

"If it's that bad, don't you think he has some idea?"

"No. He is happy."

When she didn't complete the thought, Kathryn prompted her, "And you're not."

"No."

Her hands continued their task as both women watched them.

The timer went off on the oven and Seven turned to pull out the roast and dinner rolls.

******

She stood on her balcony, looking out over the lights of the city. It was a crisp night-her coffee-warmed breath clouded the air. The points of light seemed brighter in the cold. She wrapped her hands around the warmth of her mug and tried to calm down.

It had taken a while, but she had finally gotten Seven to talk about it. Now she almost wished she hadn't. Almost.

They live in a remote desert mountain home, with only the simplest facilities. Chakotay is engaged in a spiritual journey that requires isolation from modern technology. He leads a small band of like-minded settlers, embracing life at it's most basic level.

As part of his quest, Chakotay has rejected technology in any form. Seven looked exhausted because he did not allow her to repair her alcove when it broke the last time. She didn't have replacement parts or the means to replicate them. She had been sleeping, but over time it wasn't enough. It never would be, in Kathryn's opinion.

He demanded that she find some way to mask her implants. He didn't want her obvious borgness to offend those around them, to remind them of how far technology could go. It also explained why she hadn't taken that job with Leah Brahms on the trans-warp project.

She sighed deeply. Kathryn had always admired Chakotay's strong spiritual sense, but now choked down the urge to despise him. How could he?

The one image of Seven seared into her memory that evening was one she would never forget: it broke her heart. "I want to terminate the marriage because I am a piece of machinery. Chakotay has rejected technology and one day he will reject me."

Kathryn took another gulp of the bitter liquid, afire with the brandy she had added after Seven left. She let it burn down her throat and settle in on top of the cheesecake. The tears she had fought all evening now flowed freely.

And Seven had become painfully embarrassed when she tried to explain why she felt this way. When Kathryn pressed her, told her that she could say anything, the young woman turned nearly incoherent. From the few things Seven said, she surmised that it had been sexual. It was obvious that Chakotay had been her only partner, and although she mentioned enjoying her life with Chakotay in the beginning, something had gone wrong.

Then Seven had resisted all suggestions that she speak to a professional counselor. She had always counted on the Captain's advice and she saw no reason to change that now. Kathryn chuckled and wiped away the tears with the back of her free hand. Me giving anyone marital advice. What a laugh.

In the end, she had sent the woman away with advice on renegotiating her marriage contract. If Chakotay didn't compromise, then Seven could end the contract knowing she had given him every chance to save it.

Could he be that stupid?

******

Admiral Janeway took her time walking home. It had been a long week. Her body told her so. The leaves were falling and she breathed in the crisp air flavored with fireplace smoke. She stopped at the corner market for some fresh bread and cheese for dinner. The wine shop next door had her favorite Napa Valley red in stock. She usually drank harder stuff but it would go well with the warm sourdough.

She nibbled on the cheese as she window-shopped her way down the street, not really wanting to go home. She hadn't heard from Seven and wasn't sure she would anytime soon. Unbidden, the memory of their conversation crashed over her. Despite the several days that had passed, the thought of it still brought her nearly to the boiling point. If he were still under her command, what she would do? She had amused herself for several days with the various ways of dealing with Chakotay. Most of them involved an open airlock door. At warp 7.

She finally reached her door and entered the code, pushing it open with an elbow and closing it with a foot. She set her bags on the kitchen counter and immediately sensed something was not right. She moved through the dining room towards the living room. There was no one on the couch or chairs. She took a silent step into the room and immediately relaxed as she saw Seven standing by the glass door leading to the balcony, back to her, arms crossed.

Kathryn walked over and just as she was about to place a hand on her arm, Seven spoke.

"He has refused." Her voice sounded cold. Empty. Dead.

"I'm so sorry, Seven."

"I did not have anywhere else to go. If I am intruding, I will go."

"No, no, Seven, you are always welcome here." She squeezed her arm and said, "I brought bread and cheese home for dinner. It's nothing compared to your cooking, of course, but it is filling." She tugged a little on her arm. "Come on, this is as good as it gets with my menu."

Seven finally turned from the window and Kathryn took in a rapid breath as she barely recognized her. Seven was pale and drawn, her eyes red and puffy. She whispered "Oh, Seven," and pulled the younger woman into an embrace.

Seven completely broke down, her suddenly frail frame wracked by sobs as Kathryn guided her to the couch so they could sit down. She stroked the younger woman's hair and forehead for some time before the storm subsided. Seven hiccuped and tried to sit up, but Kathryn held onto her. "Just sit for a minute. Take a deep breath."

Seven settled back in, her face buried in Kathryn's neck. It was only a few minutes before she was able to take a full breath and relax.

She sat up, wiping her dripping face with the handkerchief Kathryn handed her. "I apologize, Captain. I did not intend to cry."

Kathryn laughed. "No one does, Seven. But it's good for you to let all of that out. You can't hold in emotion any more than you can keep the sun from shining."

Seven nodded and smiled a little.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I am too tired."

"Agreed. I don't suppose you brought your alcove with you? You look like you could really use a full regeneration cycle."

Seven became interested in folding the handkerchief neatly. She cleared her throat.

Kathryn laughed out loud. "Okay, out with it. What did you do with it?"

"It is in the closet in the smaller bedroom."

"Good place for it. Is it functional?"

"No. I need several parts that are beyond the capacity of your replicator."

"I think I know where I can lay hands on a good engineer. Even one with a little experience with Borg technology." Kathryn walked over to the communications console and brought up a terminal. It wasn't long before the familiar face of B'Elanna filled it and within an hour or so she was on the doorstep with a toolbox and spare parts.

Standing in the doorway of the spare bedroom, she listened to the two of them wrangle over the repairs. When Seven said, "I can see that becoming a parent has done nothing for your disposition," she chuckled but didn't intervene. She could hear in the tone of their voices that it was their form of bonding, now that there was no turf to fight over. Heaven forbid, they may even become friends.

After they saw Seven safely locked into her cycle, Kathryn and B'Elanna sat in the living room while Kathryn brought her up to date on the Chakotay marriage and its immediate demise. The engineer's only comment surprised Kathryn -- she never thought it would last anyway. B'Elanna believed that Chakotay was too interested in shaping the woman he was involved with - a sculptor in search of perfection. That's why he and the captain never made a couple. The captain was nothing if not her own person. Of course, B'Elanna was a hopeless case for him.

After B'Elanna left, Kathryn changed for bed and went in to stand beside the alcove, as she had done countless times on Voyager. As she watched the worry lines begin to smooth out, she allowed herself to wallow in the emotions that flooded over her. Emotions that she had never admitted to, never made public. Not while they were in the Delta Quadrant, when they were captain and crewmember. Especially not as she watched the romance growing between her first officer and her . . . her best friend.

Chakotay. His named burned in her head. She wanted to kill him. No, killing was too good for him.

Her only consolation was that she read Dante. Believed in the Inferno. Spiritual being or no, there was a special place in hell for someone like him. But she would not be speeding him towards it.

******

Kathryn awoke the following morning with a start. She usually had an early morning run, but today she had slept through it. She sat up quickly and then remembered her late night. She threw the covers aside and fairly ran to the spare bedroom.

The alcove was still activated and Seven still stood at attention in it. By the light of day, her face was still lined from the stress of the last week. Kathryn checked the console, bringing up a screen of data that told her she still had at least 2 hours left. Kathryn rubbed her forehead.

She stepped up and touched the smooth cheek, fingering the tracks of last night's tears. She tucked a stray wisp of hair back in its place and stepped down. 2 hours.

******

Kathryn sat on the couch, legs drawn up, reading a book-or at least passing her eyes over the words, one by one. She had checked the cycle twice in the last thirty minutes. It had gone to maintenance mode, which meant it was repairing something within Seven's construct. It was doing what it was supposed to be doing, she told herself. She needs this time, she told herself.

Finally, she managed to connect the words into a full sentence, then another.

"Captain."

She nearly jumped out of her skin. She looked up to see Seven leaning against the doorway to the hall, looking a little confused.

"Seven. How are you feeling?" She stood up quickly and moved over to her, stopping short of touching her, sensing that it would be the wrong thing to do.

"I am operating within established parameters. . . . I - I - I am unsure. It has been so long since I regenerated, that I am . . . " her voice trailed away.

"Are you hungry?"

"I do not require refreshment at this time." It was a standard response, brought up from non-volitile memory and sounded a bit metallic. Seven looked around the room, taking in the decoration, trying to orient herself.

"Come and sit down."

Seven staggered a bit before gaining her sea legs and walking over to the couch. She sat down gingerly, knees drawn together, hands tightly clasped. Kathryn sat beside her.

The apartment seemed very quiet. "It will probably take you a while to adjust to the regeneration cycle again. I'm sure that is why you are feeling so disoriented."

"That is correct." Seven's voice sounded a little more human.

They sat in silence. Seven was perched on the edge of the sofa, ramrod straight, staring at some point on the opposite wall. Kathryn sat next to her, willing the young woman to say something, to begin looking and sounding like the Seven she knew.

After some length of time, Seven finally spoke. "I do not require your presence. You should continue with your regular activities."

"I am sitting with a friend who is upset. There is nothing else that could take precedence."

After another period of time, during which the communications console beeped several times and was ignored, Seven finally stood up suddenly. Kathryn had leaned against the back of the sofa, propping up her head on a hand.

"I require nutrition." Seven finally seemed to relax a little. She clasped her hands behind her back and looked down on the older woman. "You also require food."

Kathryn looked up into eyes that were clearer than she had seen since Voyager's return. "I know a great place just down the street." She stood up and ran a hand through her hair. "Give me a minute to freshen up and we'll go."

Seven nodded and watched the smaller woman go down the hallway. For the first time in a very long time -- since her days on Voyager -- things seemed normal.

********

Seven adjusted to her new surroundings soon after she began regenerating on a regular schedule. After she managed to repair and tune every electronic device in the flat, Kathryn insisted she begin looking for a position. Seven put it off, but Kathryn landed her a job with the transwarp project. In fact, when she mentioned in passing that Seven might be available on a full-time basis, they wanted to come over to the apartment and drag her down to the science division. As it was, Seven went straight from interview to labcoat.

Seven's general appearance became rosy and positively glowing after a few weeks of regenerating. B'Elanna came by twice more to help her fine tune the repairs, and it seemed to make a difference. In those visits, they strengthened their bond. B'Elanna had baby pictures and tales of her own job, of Tom's relapses into childhood behavior.

She began to adjust to a more stable, predictable life again, free from the emotional minefield she had lived in for nearly two years. She still had bad days, but was clearly making progress.

One night, a month or so after she moved in, she appeared in Kathryn's bedroom doorway.

Kathryn looked up from her reading (personnel files tonight). "Seven."

"Captain." Seven looked uncomfortable.

"Come in."

"Thank you." Seven sat at attention on the chair by the door.

"What's wrong?"

"I do not know. I am restless. I am tired but I do not need to regenerate."

"Perhaps you need to lie down. You spent the better part of two years sleeping without regenerating. Maybe you should just get some sleep."

Seven brightened considerably and stood up. "Thank you, Captain. I believe you are correct."

"The sheets on the bed in the spare room are fresh." Kathryn got out of bed, fumbling with her robe as she suddenly became uncomfortable in the most modest pajamas in the world. "Let's make sure you have everything you need." She tried several times with clumsy fingers before getting the belt tied around her waist and her feet pushed into slippers.

Seven nodded and followed her back to the spare room, watching her check the sheets and add a covering from the closet to the bed. "This is an old family quilt. It represents our home in the agricultural colony."

Seven nodded. "I see."

"I carried it with me on Voyager to remind me my home, my family. I had no idea it would travel all those years in the Delta Quadrant. "

"There," she said as she plumped the pillow and turned back to Seven. "That should do it. Why don't you lie down while I get you a cup of tea. To help you relax."

Seven nodded, still a little dazed.

Kathryn returned with a steaming mug to find Seven perched on the bed, staring at the wall. She held out the tea and touched Seven's shoulder to encourage her to take it. "Thank you, Captain."

Kathryn had long ago given up trying to correct Seven about her title. In Seven's mind, she would always be Captain. "Good night, Seven."

Seven finally focused her attention to the face in front of her. "Good night."

Kathryn went back to her bed and her reports, now straining to listen to the sounds from the other bedroom. It was some time before she heard Seven place the mug on the nightstand. It was another long measure of time before she heard the covers pushed back and Seven slide under them.

Her mind finally eased, Kathryn returned her attention to the work at hand, going back a few pages to start again. She was lost in the world of promotions when she looked up to see Seven standing inside the door again.

"Seven?"

"I am unable to sleep."

"I'm sorry, Seven. I have a hypospray around here somewhere. Would that help?"

"I . . ." Seven looked away quickly.

"What is it? I thought you had become accustomed to sleeping?"

"I am accustomed to sleeping." She took a deep breath. "I am not accustomed to sleeping alone."

In a matter of seconds, she was sure that every emotion on earth passed across her face. She hoped the raw desire that welled up inside her at just the thought of lying next to nearly six feet of shapely blonde passed quickly. She replaced it with a look of stern concern. She had to believe that Seven was too tired to notice.

She reached over and laid back the covers on the other side of the bed.

Seven moved over quickly and laid down on her side, facing Kathryn. She closed her eyes and was almost immediately asleep, but not before, "Thank you, Captain," in a relieved, grateful whisper.

She pulled up the covers and tucked her in before going back to her reports, ever-conscious of the warmth emanating from the slumbering body beside her. She tried not to think about how long it had been since she had lain down beside anyone, slept beside anyone.

She looked over at the woman beside her, now dozing, then shifting a little before relaxing into a full sleep.

******

The following morning, Kathryn awoke at her regular time, her early morning run at break-of-day. She lay on her side, facing the middle of the bed. Seven lay on her side as well, facing away from her. Kathryn smiled. She sleeps married.

She reached to touch the exposed shoulder, fingering the implant beneath the fabric of her nightshirt.

Then she snuggled back down under the covers, falling back to sleep with the sight of Seven's back only inches from her, no longer interested in venturing out into the cold morning air.

When she awoke the second time, sunlight streamed in the window. Seven was gone, but one intake of breath told her where to find the young woman. Waffles. Kathryn smiled broadly. She would have to keep her running dates from now on or she would be getting fat.

******

Seven entered a darkened apartment a little after midnight. She had insisted on leaving Peter at the transport station. She had a feeling the hands that had been around her waist, testing the limits, would become a little more adventurous if he walked her back to the apartment. He had not said more than two words together all evening and also had trouble focusing on her face, choosing to address her chest all evening. Chakotay had always told her she had beautiful breasts, but only in private, only when he wanted something from her. Usually when he wanted to lay hands on them.

She removed her shoes as she closed the door and secured it. They were fashionable but she never understood how discomfort could be attractive. She stepped into the kitchen for her nocturnal supplement and put away the scotch bottle that was sitting on the counter. She replicated her meal and consumed it quickly. She placed the glass back in the replicator and was leaving the kitchen when she stopped and returned to the cabinet. She lifted out the bottle again and held it up to the dim light of the lamp in the living room. There was approximately 500ml missing. She knew this because she had moved the scotch bottle on Wednesday when she required some cooking wine for dinner.

She placed the bottle back in the cabinet and turned off the one light in the living room on her way to her bedroom. She looked in on the captain, who was sleeping on her side, facing away from her. She slipped into the room when she noticed that the covers were awry.

The captain held a glass in her right hand, hanging over the edge of the bed. Seven retrieved it and set it on the night table.

The covers were tangled so badly that Seven feared that the captain might choke. She slowly untangled them from the captain's form, careful to not wake her. Although 500ml of scotch should keep her from waking. The captain stirred a little and said something in a slurred tongue before flopping over onto her back. Seven had just freed the covers from her torso and was startled by the sudden image of the bare breasts of the captain. There were no pajamas. Seven held her breath until the captain settled back into sleep and then carefully straightened the covers around her, not really avoiding looking at the small figure, but trying not to dwell on the experience. It was like the look she saw in the captain's eyes earlier. It brought something to the surface that confused her. Something intimate.

Satisfied that the captain was comfortable, Seven returned to her own room and prepared for bed. By now, she slept most nights, awaking at 0400 to regenerate for three hours. She checked the alcove alarm and then proceeded to turn down the covers of her bed. She was restless, finding that she couldn't sleep. Finally, she got up find a book to read when she decided to check on the captain again.

The captain had managed to re-tangle the sheets and Seven again straightened them around the slumbering woman, now sleeping on her stomach. Seven decided to sit with her for a while, just to make sure that there was no danger. She retrieved a padd with some new calculations for the transwarp power coupling. While the small computer ran the extended algorithms, Seven idly watched the captain sleep. Having spent much of the last three months sleeping with her in the same bed, Seven was surprised to see that tonight she tossed and turned. She usually slept very still, rarely stirring. Sometimes when she woke up early in this bed, Seven would find herself snuggled up to the small frame with the captain's arms around her, cradling her close.

Chakotay had not been one for much touching outside of the actual sex act. Especially after they moved to the desert. She found the captain's embrace comforting, and never really questioned whether or not it was appropriate. The captain would not do it if it weren't.

The padd beeped as it finished a calculation and she spent the next thirty minutes programming the next one. She started it before looking back at the bed. The captain was now firmly entangled again. She sighed and set the padd on her chair as she unwrapped the shroud-like sheets from the captain's small body and settled her back in. This time she got a good look at the captain's bare back. She was mesmerized by its suppleness. Her hands ached to rub the muscles, to relax the captain from whatever problem had her wound up. She ran her human hand over the shoulder blade, fingertips tickling down the spinal crease. The captain immediately groaned and leaned into the touch, then settled and her breathing became easier. Seven tucked the sheet back into the mattress and moved the captain's arms to a comfortable position. She sat on the bed observing the older woman for some time, pushing back a lock of hair that had become misplaced. Some sort of emotion welled up inside her - she supposed it was a form of motherly instinct. She then spent some time trying to formulate a theory for the captain's behavior, but was unable to. She would have to ask about it in the morning.

At 0400, her alcove alarm went off. The captain had been sleeping peacefully for about an hour now, so Seven felt safe to leave her, however reluctantly. She did not act on her first instinct, which was to crawl into bed with her. Something about the other woman's nakedness made her uncomfortable enough to not want to confront it. Instead, she returned to her own room and stepped into the alcove, her last thought of the small, vulnerable figure on the bed in the other room.

******

"Regeneration cycle complete."

Seven took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She stepped out of the alcove and checked the log for any problems before checking on the captain.

She tapped on the door to the captain's bedroom and then pushed it open. She was surprised to find it empty, the evidence of last night's struggles smoothed away in the neatly made bed.

She went into the living room, where the remnants of the vase were still scattered on top of one of the tables. The kitchen was empty, the apartment was empty. She stood in the middle of the emptiness and felt something shift in her stomach. She knew deep down that something changed. She just didn't know what it was.

******

In the weeks that followed, it seemed that their schedules suddenly became incompatible. On the rare evening the two of them were in the same place at the same time, both were so tired that they ate a quick dinner and spent an hour or so decompressing from work before falling into bed.

Since the strange events on the night of her first date, Seven felt the change in atmosphere in her relationship with the captain. Things were a little more impersonal, as if the older woman were creating distance between them. She supposed that it could be that she was becoming more and more involved with her work -- the center of the transwarp maelstrom, the one person who could really make it work. It could also be that the Captain's job was becoming more difficult, with the losses to the Dominion. The latest Starfleet directive lowered admissions standards and shortened training requirements to try and make up the gap. The Captain called it the "phaser fodder protocol."

Because her work on the propulsion system allowed them to finish ahead of schedule, Seven was given time off. She wanted to stay home and begin working on the next phase of the project, but the Captain insisted that she take a vacation. She threatened to change the locks on the doors and notify security to arrest anyone breeching them if Seven didn't go somewhere. So, she visited B'Elanna and Tom for a few days and enhanced her knowledge of two-year-olds, as well as helping the engineer with several projects she had going. For most people, that would not be considered a vacation. For Seven, it was perfect.

Seven tried to get the captain to go with her, but she could not spare the time. It also seemed to her as if she could not win an argument with the captain anymore.

During this period, Seven's experiments in dating were uneven at best. Because she was so engrossed with the transwarp project, the only men she had contact with were working on the same project. Now that the project was taking off, there was an endless stream of new technicians and scientists who visited the lab, each dazzled by the tall blonde with the razor-sharp mind. She quickly became legendary for her cool beauty and aloofness that seemed to encourage rather than discourage prospective suitors. With her limited dating experience, she had trouble discerning those who were really interested in her from those who were really interested in her reputation and in making their own.

Kathryn watched the seemingly endless array of prospects pass through her apartment, spending most of that time shaking her head at whatever possessed the woman. They all seemed to either be Chakotay clones or so different from him as to be nearly off the humanity scale. She could see it in their eyes, though. Their prurient interests were always close to the surface when they stood in her living room, barely civil to an admiral, so busy ogling the body they hoped to possess. So far, Seven had always come home at a decent hour. So far, Kathryn had not surprised anyone in the living room on her way to her morning run. But she knew it would be a matter of time.

For her part, Kathryn found that she missed Mark. He had married while she was in the Delta Quadrant, and now had two children. She had always counted on his ability to make sense of the crazy world of Starfleet, to put her life and her work in proper perspective. There had been a few offers from within the ranks for an evening out now and then, and she accepted them once in a while, but kept her distance. She knew her heart was vulnerable; she knew that her decision to let Seven find her own way made things nearly impossible. The trick was going to be finding the right time to have a heart-to-heart with Seven and lay bare feelings that she had protected for many years. But work had picked up dramatically after the disastrous defeat at Zaraneth. Because of that, she missed the window of opportunity.

She didn't realize it until it was too late. A new scientist came to the project, Robert Lambert. He had been stationed on Vulcan for several years, working on a similar project with their leading scientists. Initially, he was scheduled to be on Terra for only two months. But he quickly got that extended once he arrived. It was clear he was completely smitten by Seven. He was also one, in Kathryn's opinion, who knew how to play the game.

After Seven mentioned his name one night, Kathryn checked Starfleet records for whatever she could glean. She had never done so before, because she did not sense that there were any of the suitors that would last longer than a date or two. Something about the way Seven said his name made her think that this one might be different. The warning bells rang loudly. So she checked Starfleet records.

He had been married twice before. The first marriage was while he was a mechanic at DS5, working for a contractor to fix whatever strange vessels might wander in. Which meant he probably made a fortune from smugglers. She knew the kind, operating around the various regulations by disguising the work as "tuning" or "structural repair." Working for those who wanted a little extra boost in the engine or an extra storage space in a spot that should be solid. The marriage broke up when his extra-marital escapades became the talk of the station. The official report was that his wife was homesick and he could not get out of his multi-year contract with the repair company. His wife returned to Terra, and Kathryn could find no record of her after about two years. So that was a wash. It could have gone either way, his problem or hers, although she inferred the woman gave up on him.

The second marriage was during his time at the Cremonian Science Academy. This was an institution for those who could not get into Starfleet or the more prestigious engineering schools. Generally, they took students who were going to be technicians rather than scientists, and in that niche, they produced a goodly supply. Very few of their graduates made their mark past cleaning and calibrating lab equipment, recording results, crunching the numbers for the ones in charge of the experiment.

But Mr. Lambert was an exception. His career took off immediately after he was assigned to the propulsion laboratory in Berlin. His work was considered some of the most brilliant ever seen. When Kathryn saw that, she shook her head and read it again. There was nothing in his past to account for it. She pulled up his test scores for his application to Starfleet. Nothing above average. Nothing approaching anything more than competence at basic scientific knowledge, let alone propulsion dynamics.

She pulled up the extended entry on the Berlin project and looked over the list of scientists that worked on it. Some of the great minds of the age were on it. And it was nearly six months into the project that Lambert began his meteoric rise. It didn't make any sense.

It wasn't long after his rise in the ranks (and compensation) that his second wife also became homesick and returned to her family. Kathryn did not find any record other than that for their breakup. Of course, he was high enough in the organization at that point to suppress records if he wanted to. Not long after, he took the position on Vulcan, where he settled into a large program with plenty of funding. He became one of many rather than the one holding the whole project in his head.

Seven brought him home for dinner, a scant two weeks after they started dating. He was a slick one, she had to admit. He knew all the answers, and kept her off balance for most of the evening. This was because he recognized immediately the influence Kathryn had on the younger woman, and set out to win her over. But she didn't become an Admiral by the book alone - she knew bunk when she heard it. That was what they paid her for, anyway. Separating the chaff from the grain at Starfleet. Picking the ones who would become captains and those who would wash out.

Kathryn knew a lot about the internal workings of propulsion systems. She had to, being in the Delta Quadrant for all those years without a supply depot anywhere. She questioned him rather obliquely, using open-ended questions, and was further puzzled when his answers showed none of the insight she expected from a senior scientist on a project of that scale. It was also a subtle way of letting him know that she was on to him - an old command trick. She could only hope that Seven was listening to their conversation and his responses.

The bad news was that he was a good enough con that she knew she could never warn Seven to be wary of his intentions. The one thing she culled from his history on propulsion projects was that he always gravitated to the thinkers, to the ones with the most innovative ideas and knowledge. On the transwarp drive, that would be Seven by a long shot.

The knowledge that Seven would eventually be betrayed ate at her. She knew that at some point, he would slip up. Or simply move on, once he had stolen enough useful information from her to advance his own career. She was pretty sure that if he had his way, he would take credit for the whole of the transwarp project. Of course, she didn't have any real proof, just her gut feelings and some bare facts in his file that did not make sense. She was sure that was not enough to convince a love-struck Seven.

That's because Seven was more or less still an adolescent. She was learning the lessons about love and dating that most humans learned early on - in their emotionally turbulent puberty years. She knew that any attempt to discredit him would be met with the universal disdain of a teenager who knows they are right - who are enraptured in deep feelings, even a little out of control.

So, it only took that one dinner for Kathryn to see that Seven was entirely smitten. That she had missed her own opportunity. He was good-looking, no doubt. He took care of himself - he looked like he worked out every day. At dinner, he worked hard at talking her language, at making her feel special. That was something Chakotay never did, not even in the beginning.

Not long after the dinner at her apartment, there was talk of moving the whole project to Vulcan. Lambert's influence, no doubt. When in doubt, move on. He was a bigwig in that lab - he could grease the skids, promising better airspace to test, more scientists, better facilities and lab assistants. She was also beginning to hear faint rumors in the halls of Starfleet of his womanizing. Nothing concrete, nothing she could ever track down, just whispers about Jan in the botany lab, Megan in the Romulan infectious disease isolation project, Teresa from Admiral Paris' office. She even overheard two technicians on the turbolift one morning talking about how Lambert's knowledge of propulsion basics was a little spotty for someone who was such a bigwig at the Vulcan laboratory.

She tried a roundabout method on one rare night when both of them were at home, asking casually about him. Seven answered her questions, surprised that Kathryn would suddenly show interest in her life, after weeks of cool distance.

"I know that you are serious about him, and I just want to learn more about him, that's all."

"Your position at Starfleet affords you access to all of his files. You can learn about his career there."

"I know, Seven, but files do not tell me anything about his personality, about what you like about him. I know you two have common interests, but I want to know what you think of him, not what the reports have on him."

"You have heard the rumors of his 'affairs' and you want an explanation. They are unfounded, spread by those who are jealous of his position and success, who would ruin him at any cost."

"Seven, loose talk has no bearing on this. I just want to hear what you think, how you feel about him. That's all."

She gathered her thoughts before answering. Even so, it sounded like something she read in a book. "He is a suitable mate for me. He treats me as an equal in every way. He takes the time to listen to my theories on propulsion and offers support. He cares for me. He says he loves me. I think I love him."

Kathryn hid her shock at this - they had only been seeing each other for about four weeks. She smiled, but the smile hid the glistening tears. "See, that's something Starfleet would never put in a personnel report."

Seven saw her eyes before she could avert them. "You are upset."

"No, Seven, I'm not. It's like bringing up a child and seeing her coming of age, coming into her own. I'm so glad you've been able to get past your experience with Chakotay. I wasn't sure for a while, but you have found your own way, and I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, captain. I appreciate all that you have done to help me. You sheltered me twice when I had nowhere else to turn and I am grateful for that. I will never forget your kindness."

The air hung between them, sharp with the knowledge that soon they would be apart again. It happened sooner than Kathryn expected. Seven moved into Lambert's quarters that weekend.

********

Kathryn was in bed, reading, when she heard the front door open. The security seals were not breached, though, so she knew it was Seven.

She pushed away the covers and swung her legs over the edge of the bed while reaching for her robe. When she reached the living room, she could just make out Seven in the dim light, standing at ease. She was wearing a dress that indicated that she had been out on a date that evening, probably with Robert.

"Seven. It's late."

"I apologize for intruding, Captain, but I need to speak with you."

Kathryn stifled a yawn and sat in the nearest chair, calling for lights at 50%. "What can I do for you?"

Seven's face was still in shadows so she could not see her expression.

Seven seemed to be considering something, searching for something in the older woman's face. Kathryn did not rush her.

Finally, Seven seemed to make some kind of decision and took a step towards her. "I have spent much time thinking about you. About how I feel about leaving Terra. Leaving you." Her voice was soft, softer than Kathryn thought she'd ever heard it.

Kathryn took a deep breath and modulated her own voice as she stood, arms stuck in her robe pockets. "I'm sure that you will manage the new situation with your usual efficiency."

"I was not referring to wanting your assistance with adjusting to my new situation. There have been numerous occasions when I needed someone to converse with. Someone who understood me."

Kathryn could not help but hear the emotion threading through the wavering voice. "I know that you have been lonely. It's been an adjustment for you, but you have handled it very well, Seven."

Again, Seven's expression was unreadable.

"Robert and I were at a restaurant in New York this evening. It was our last chance before we leave for Vulcan." Seven took a breath before continuing. As if she needed strength to continue. "Robert made a derogatory remark about two women who were in the restaurant together. When I observed their behavior, especially the expression on one of their faces, I made a discovery about myself. About our relationship."

Kathryn's mouth went dry. She swallowed, trying to work up enough saliva to speak. "What was that?"

"I now understand the feelings that I have had for some time but that confused me. I was unaware that romantic relationships were not confined to one male and one female."

"I see." Kathryn turned away, folding her arms over her chest to keep the shaking to a minimum and stepping away to get a little distance. "And that's what you think is between us. Romance."

"Yes." Seven's voice was now firm, resolute. Angry. "Are you attempting to deny it?"

Kathryn turned back to face her, now in better control of her emotions. "Seven, we have been friends for some time now. Our relationship has changed and matured while you have been here, and I don't -"

Seven stepped up to her, crowding her space. Kathryn stood her ground, willing her body not to flinch.

"I know what I feel when I am with you, when we are together."

"And you think it is romantic love. There are many kinds of love."

Seven closed the distance between them quickly, grasping the captain's head between her hands and drawing her into a kiss. The shockwave traveled the length of the older woman's body, searing nerve endings all the way. She did not resist. She also could no longer control her rebellious body, which leaned into the embrace, reaching for Seven's head and neck, willing it not to end.

It was a subdued Kathryn Janeway who minutes later opened her eyes to be drawn in by the look on Seven's face.

"You will not deny your feelings any longer."

"No." Kathryn was defeated. The sadness began to settle in around her like a blanket of snow. She fought tears and dropped her gaze. It would now be more difficult than ever to do what was right. Now that she had a taste of the nectar, she wanted more.

Seven dropped her hands from the embrace as if Kathryn were on fire. "You never informed me of your feelings."

"No."

Seven stepped away, her breathing becoming rapid. "You deceived me."

"I did not deceive you."

"I do not believe you."

Kathryn continued looking at the floor, unwilling to hurt the other woman. She propped one hand on her hip and rubbed a temple with the other. "It's more complicated than that."

"Explain. Why did you not tell me?"

"When? When was the right time? Before you got involved with Robert? Before you got this chance to go to Vulcan? Would you have gone? You would have given up that opportunity-an opportunity of a lifetime. You would have traded one yoke for another. You needed to be on your own, to make your own choices. Telling you would have put you on the spot, made you obligated to me." Kathryn felt her control ebbing. She fought its retreat, trying not to cry.

Seven had turned her back to Kathryn. "You made this choice for me."

"Yes, I did. And I still think it was the right one. You weren't ready for it."

"I should have been allowed a voice in that decision."

"Perhaps. Perhaps I have had too much influence in your life to ever be truly neutral when it comes to your well-being." She sighed before continuing. "In my judgment, you needed to find yourself, to be your own person before you entered into another relationship, and that's what has happened. It's the only way you will ever be happy."

Seven turned back, her anger resurging. "You allowed me to become involved with someone else. Someone to whom I have made commitments. I will not forgive you for allowing this."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes." Whispered. Almost uncertain.

"He loves you?"

"Yes."

"Then you will be happy."

"But you never will."

Kathryn allowed herself an ironic smile as she realized that Seven was not going to push the issue any farther. "You are not responsible for my happiness. I am the only person who controls that."

"But you have destroyed your own life to preserve mine. It is not right. It is not fair."

Kathryn chuckled. "Seven, I will be fine. You act as if this were the end of the world. It's not. I knew what the consequences of my actions were and I can live with that. You have a new life waiting for you. Embrace it. Move on. That's what will make me truly happy."

Seven did not look convinced. But she did appear to accept it.

"I will never forget your kindness."

"Thank you, Seven. That means more to me than you'll ever know."

And she allowed Seven one more tender kiss and an extended hug before sending her on her way. The pain would subside, she knew that. She went to the kitchen for her nightcap, pulling out the glass and the bottle by rote. She just needed to focus on Seven's happiness. She poured the amber fire without looking down. Making it to Admiral Janeway had been her goal all of her life. She capped the bottle and put it away, putting the glass to her lips.

But she found that she could not wipe the taste of Seven from her lips with the sharp acidity of the liquor.

No more. She dumped the glass in the replicator and turned off the lights. She had many good years to look forward to. It had all been a pipe dream anyway. Seven deserved someone young, someone who could give her the freedom she needed to be a brilliant scientist.

Kathryn returned to bed and her book. Dante got her through the Delta Quadrant, she would survive this.